Spaceship – DVD Review

Every once in awhile a film comes along that you hate with all the passion in your body. Spaceship is that film for me, and I would struggle to think of a film that boiled my blood more in recent memory: even Batman Vs. Superman I didn’t hate this much. Spaceship is a film that puts the very worst of independent filmmaking generally and British filmmaking specifically on display. 


The “plot” loosely (very loosely) tells the story of a group of cyber goth teenagers who may or may not be vampires. One of the girls is missing, and it’s suspected she has been abducted by aliens. Her mother has committed suicide, so naturally she is a messed girl. However, most of the film is told through the most obnoxious naval-gazing emo conversations. They literally go on and on about unicorns…. FUCKING UNICORNS!! It’s full of mumbling pretentious narration of the kind that even Terrence Malick would be embarrassed to include in his films—and I’m one of the few still on the Malick train. 


It’s also shot like Terrence Malick-meets-Harmony Korine in an MDMA-induced Day-Glo haze. Clearly the filmmaker actually thinks the kids depicted in the film are interesting and profound, but in reality they the very worst kind of self-satisfied, smug little brats, the sort who come up with nonsense gender pronouns that nobody except their tight group of friends will use to make them feel special and unique. It’s the cinematic equivalent of an “edgy” teenage girl’s Tumblr page.


I’d rather slam an unclean needle full of the finest Afghani smack into my vein than suffer through this again. 


The film’s director is also completely disingenuous as well. In his press interviews says he is an outsider and that he wanted to make the film as if it was created by a messed-up teenager. That’s a worthy cinematic idea, but the result is a film as insufferable as the worse teenage poetry. The anti-JunoThe Tracey Fragments, which starred Juno herself, Ellen Page—attempted this in a much more inventive and satisfying way. The director states that he “wants to make films which give people the courage to love themselves in all their weirdness,” but sorry, this is the kind of film which makes people join the alt-right and pick on kids who don’t fit in. In other words, he ain’t no John Waters. It also looks like something somebody made during their first year doing film studies. 


The disc has a commentary and some short films, but after watching the feature I couldn’t bear to look. 


Ian Schultz

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